I'm Amazing

Typically I have a feeling of inadequacy. There are just so many areas in my life that I need to work on to become a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, volunteer, etc, etc. This is a quick description of one area of my life I am now working one. 

One of the things I've sworn to better with lately is to not complain about this pregnancy. In my first two pregnancies I was sicker than sick and really at some points thought I was going to die. By the time I was pregnant with Ellis I was so sick of hearing myself complain that I was determined to not make a peep about anything I felt concerning the pregnancy. I feared someone might bury me if they had to live with me being such a whiner again.

 It turned out that I actually felt pretty awesome throughout the whole time Ellis was in my belly and really didn't end up even needing to complain about anything. However, the damage had already been done. I was labeled as being an absolute monster while pregnant. So now here is pregnancy number four I have already been enduring the whole, "uh oh, hope you survive" comments. But I am determined once again, not to complain. (About the pregnancy anyway. Vertigo is a whole other issue and I will complain as much as I want. It's horrible.) And besides talking about being tired, I think I've done a fairly good job, but it's not enough. I am determined to not puke. (If you have a weak stomach this would be a good time to stop reading.) With my two boys I threw up so much that I deteriorated the lining in my stomach and esophagus. I know that I got sick with Ellis, but it was nothing like the boys. Totally livable. I'd drive down the street, pull over, puke. No biggie.

So of course, one of the only side effects I've felt throughout this pregnancy has been a weak stomach. A messy sneeze from one of my little ones or really just a sniff from them will send my stomach roiling. But I'm not going to let it get to me! We all know that being a mom has to be one of the most disgusting jobs in the world. We see and clean up things that are hardly imaginable. That doesn't stop when we are pregnant. Today I was met with the real challenge. A clogged toilet.

I knew I had to unclog it. I knew I was the only one that could do it. I seem to have a magic touch (lucky me)with the plunger. I walked into the bathroom and the smell was overwhelming. To spare you the gory details, this is what I had to end up doing. Stand with my head turned and my face in a towel while I plunged. I could only use sound as an indicator to any progress being made. I tried looking twice and each time nearly ended my non puking streak. But I gained control each time, plunged away and soon heard the wonderful sound of water going down the drain!

I didn't whine and complain that I couldn't do it. I didn't puke. For this moment in time I didn't feel inadequate. I was super mom and I was awesome.

Babies, Pallygoats, and My Monkey Father

I'm horrible at keeping a journal and blogging. However, this must be written. When my children are grown and their childhoods run together in my mind, these are a few things I would like to remember.

The Babies

Rowan and Ellis have a nursery of baby dolls. Each and everyone has a name. They started as names of babies they already know. Baby Samuel, Baby Levi (these were friends we know), Baby JoJo (after my cousin's daughter Josephine), Baby Claire (one of their cousins). Then once they ran out of names they began with these interesting ones. Baby Little, Baby Applesauce, and Baby Edo. Each baby has it's own personality. For instance, for a while if Baby Levi had his binky out he would throw up. The only way to stop him was to put his binky back into his mouth. Baby Applesauce likes to help with chores and direct what needs to be picked up next.

The kids love to put the babies in the strollers and race them up and down the hallway and crash them at the end. The babies are continually abused, thrown into the air, hung from the fan, crashed into the walls. But at in the car or bed time the babies are loved and cuddled with unwavering affection. We can always tell when the babies are being played with. It's when the kids are the loudest. I love seeing both my daughter and my son use these toys for such great imaginative play. I'll be truly sad when they grow out of them.

Pallygoats

My children have their own language. They create words and use them as though they were a normal part of everyone's vocabulary. For instance, one day my children were talking to me about how they don't like pallygoats because they hurt their teeth. It took me weeks of continually hearing this word before I finally realized that pallygoats are popcorn kernels. I don't know where this word came from, but they have continued to use it for about the last 8 months. Too funny.

My Monkey Father

One day I found Ellis in her room laying on her bed looking at a book. It was one of those choose your own adventure books. On the cover was a picture of a yeti. As I walked in the room Ellis put the book down and looked up at me with a serious expression. Showing me the picture on the cover, she said, "This is my monkey father." "What??" I replied. She then proceeded to tell me about how before she lived with me she lived with her monkey father, but he had been killed and that's how she came to live with me.... Okay.

Now and then she will bring up her monkey father and talk about what a wonderful life she had before she was forced to come and live with us. Once on a kayak, she pointed up to a house on the edge of the lake, "That's where my monkey father lived."

It's absolutely hilarious how she creates these very real stories and continues to expand them as time goes on. I love hearing about monkey father!

Counting Lightning to Thunder

Yesterday we had a big Spring storm. We had a little girl over and when she heard the lightning she got scared. I brought her and Ellis into the kitchen and asked them if they wanted to see something really cool. I sat them on the kitchen counter with their feet in the sink so that they could see out the window. I said, "This is how nature works. The earth needs water and this is how it gets it." The sat there for about 45 mins eating M&M's and watching the rain and hail. I had them count the seconds between the lightning and the thunder so they could tell how far away the storm was. They had so much fun that they forgot to be scared! The storm came closer and closer and then finally further and further away. After the storm was over they talked about how fun it was to watch it all from the window. They are so sweet. I hope I always remember the picture I have in my head of those little ones watching out the window.

Oh Christmas Tree

Every year I think that our tree turns out so pretty! This year I thought I would take a few pictures of our favourite ornaments. I still haven't figured out why blogspot turns pictures taken with a Cannon camera, so bear with the horizontal photos. :)

 This year we got a Scotch Pine. The branches are bare except for the ends, so you hang most of the ornaments in the tree.

 Glass ornaments are our favourites! This snowman seems so jolly and I love seeing him each year!

 Last year our tree fell over and we broke about half of our ornaments. This Santa is a new addition this year.

 I picked up this cute trolley car in San Francisco in Bloomingdale's on Black Friday a few years ago.

 I love this little reindeer. The snow in the bottom of the ornament moves around.

 Most of our ornaments seem to be Santas. Perhaps it's the red and white we like. There are so many depictions!

 I love the feathers on the mittens.

 This ornament used to hang on my Grandma Burdette's tree. Before LED lights you would put one of the tree lights under the ornament and the heat would make the fan turn. This is a very special ornament.

 Chandler made this in kindergarten. I love seeing him so tiny!

This year my sisters and I started a new tradition of sending each other ornaments to hang on our tree that remind us of each other. This is what I got this year for us. However, I forgot to send it on time! So dear sisters, this is what you will be getting in the mail in the next few weeks!

Merry Christmas!

Stuffing vs. Dressing

Today I was sitting at my mom's table shredding ten loaves of bread to prepare, what I like to call stuffing, for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I was led to remember all the times I had seen my mother and my grandmother sitting in the same kitchen doing the same thing. I'm not sure where my grandma got her recipe from, but it's amazing. It will always be my favourite recipe for this particular dish. She never wrote the recipe down. My mother learned it from watching her and I learned it from watching my mother. I remember the first year that my grandma died and my mother and I frantically tried to remember how exactly to make what my grandmother called "dressing". I'm sure over the years my mom and I have developed our recipe, but every time I make it I will always think of my dear grandma and how much I love her and everything she passed down to us.

The Smuggies

Today I took my children to a music lesson. We sang and hit sticks together and had a merry old time. One mother was breast feeding while we sang. "That's right!" I thought. "I can roll with the new wave hippie moms." I stay at home with my kids, we sing, we breastfeed in broad day light and we have a good time doing it! After the class Teacher Beth, who sported a yellow kerchief in her hair; a sure sign of the modern hippie mom, overheard me telling Ellis that we needed to get home so I could start sewing. She asked what I was sewing and I excitedly told her that I was sewing my daughter's Halloween costume. Ellis looked at her and said, "I'm going to be Princess Peach!" That's when I saw it. The smile and nod... "How nice." I couldn't help but to laugh. I could tell right there that she didn't approve. Rowan chimed in that he was going to be Luigi. I could feel her trying not to judge me, but she couldn't help it. After all, I'm breaking a cardinal rule of the new wave hippie mom. I let my kids watch T.V. and play video games! (gasp!)

Teacher Beth then explained how her daughter is going to be a Native American for Halloween. She's going to have braids and a head band and feathers coming out of her hair from their chickens! She sewed her costume last year too, she had been Laura Ingalls! Thank goodness I knew who that was. I would have loved to have told her that my children were also literary characters two years ago too. Ellis was Alice and Rowan was the Jabberwocky, but I could see "the smuggies" behind her eyes and I didn't want to spoil it for her. She really is a sweet lady and was very kind to us, but it made her feel good that she wasn't subjecting her children to the horrible things that I do. I could have really made her day and let her know that for snack today we were going to have fruit roll ups, they have high fructose corn syrup.

I try to be a good mom. We stay away from sugar for weeks at a time before we lapse back into lazy snacks. I  am my kids' preschool teacher and take them on plenty of outings. I take my kids to church every Sunday and try to teach them to be good people. We raise chickens and eat their eggs. We try to plant a garden every summer. I can fruit and make pies and make dinners from scratch. I'm well on the road to the new wave hippie mom that I would love to be. But, there are some things that I'm just not willing to give up and so I'll never be fully initiated into the club. And I'm okay with that. I have my own kind of joy that I get from watching other people delight in how much better they are than me!

7 Year Itch?

    As of September 11th, Bobby and I have been married for 7 years. It feels like much longer, maybe because we dated for 3 years before we got married. It's been a wonderful 7 years and we were able to go away together this weekend and reflect on them together. Typically, the saying goes that every 7 years you yearn for some change in your life, but as we looked back we've had nothing but change! We decided that at this point now, we couldn't be happier! I feel like we have changed a lot in the last decade, and for the better. How nice that we could grow together as a couple and as a family. After this weekend, it was very clear to me how lucky I am and how much each of us have grown. Let me tell you a little about it.
    Saturday, the 10th was very busy. We had soccer in the first part of the day, and then I helped at a wedding in the late afternoon and evening. By the time I got home later that night, my hips were VERY sore. But I didn't want to complain to Bobby about it. We got up early on Sunday and I was already feeling emotional. I usually try to glaze over September 11th, try to focus on my anniversary, but this day was hard. I kept welling with tears. Chandler and I were both to speak in church and although I was excited, I was a little nervous too. Chandler spoke first and he was so amazing. I really cannot think of a prouder "mommy moment"! He wrote his own talk, and then spoke slowly and clearly. I ended up being very pleased with how I did with my talk, I was glad that I had practiced so much before hand, and I didn't even cry. Then Bobby and I ran home and packed bags for the children and for ourselves. I was feeling pretty emotional because I must have been more worried about the job on Saturday night and the talk Sunday morning more than I had thought. Now that those things were over I was ready for an emotional release, but instead I needed to focus on packing (fast) and sending the kids off for the next 3 days without tears. So I needed to hold it all in.
    We were finally on the road and I was worried about getting there on time because we had massages scheduled at 4. We would probably arrive around 3:30, I didn't want to be late. About an hour into our drive we got a phone call for our wonderful friend who was watching our children, she told us that we had not put the children's luggage in her car! I couldn't believe it! We had been so hurried and so worried about the kids being comfortable, that we completely forgot to move the bag! I felt my mood begin to take a rapid downward turn, but told myself that being upset about it wouldn't solve anything. I was determined to be in a good mood and not let "the natural man" take a hold of me!
    As we entered into the Sonora area my earlobes began to get a funny itching sensation, as we moved further towards Twain Heart and further up in elevation I began to feel the sensation moving to my cheeks as well. We arrived at our bed and breakfast just at 3:30, our room wasn't ready and we would have to wait. Although I was feeling uncomfortable and just wanted to relax, I assured them that we were fine sitting in the front room to read until it was ready. By the time we got to our room about 15 minutes later, my palms were itching and my whole face and neck were totally red. It was 4 o'clock and the massage therapists were not there. Our appointment must have been sent for 4:30 we thought. Our hostess provided me with an allergy pill and I knocked out on the bed. Waking up 45 minutes later extremely groggy, I realized that it was 5:15 and there was still no sign of the therapists. We called up front to find out that there had been some sort of mix up and the hostess was frantically on the phone trying to find people that would come in on short notice. Again, not her fault, no reason to be upset, right? At 6 o'clock we were fortunate enough to have 2 massage therapists arrive, or so we thought....
    Now maybe it's that Bobby and I are ruined. A few years back we had the most amazing massages EVER! So now, of course, everyone else is compared to these others. But in this case, I really think it just wasn't that great. For starters, whenever I have ever had a massage there is usually gentle, relaxing music playing. These two must have had a very different idea of what type of music should be played. I was laying down on my stomach with my face in that circle thing with my eyes wide open, thinking, "What the heck????" First it was like these romantic love songs, which I'm sorry, are just creepy when some stranger has their hands on you. It then moved to this like... new age world music? Imagine energetic, almost techno music with a man yodeling/singing over the top of it. It reminded me of some sort of thing I would hear in a  yurt full of hippies trying to find their inner energy or something. It was totally ridiculous for a massage and totally weird. Not to mention that I think I was being massaged by Darth Vader. This guy was breathing so hard through his nose, at first I thought he was wearing a mask or something because it was so loud! The massage was terrible and I really just couldn't wait to get off the table. By 8 o'clock I was starving and we left for dinner.
    It really took all my mental muscles to stave off the crankies by this point. We ate at an Italian restaurant with fantastic service, great atmosphere and horrible food. Thank goodness that Bobby had me laughing so hard at the table over our terrible massages that it didn't bother me too much. Unfortunately, it bothered my stomach and I felt sick the rest of the night.
    The next morning, Bobby and I left for Yosemite. My hips were still very sore and my lower back was stiff after the terrible massage the day before. I didn't want to complain to Bobby. I knew that he wanted to take a little day hike and I wanted to be accommodating. It was a beautiful day and Yosemite was PACKED! There were a million people there. I hadn't been able to find my shoes before we had left in such a rush and had only packed my Converse. I like them for when I need to wear them for short periods of time, but not for when we need to do a lot of walking. It was nearly lunch time and we didn't have any food with us, but I assured Bobby that I could do a quick 3 mile hike with him and then we could go to lunch. When we got near to where we were hiking we saw that the road was closed and that we needed to hike an extra .6 miles. No problem, just smile. We began our walk. I was fine when it was flat, but then we began our incline. My hips began to hurt immediately. Bobby started talking about how excited he was to do the John Muir Trail in two years and I snapped! I want to take that hike with him so badly and it was apparent that I was probably not going to be able to even finish this little one. My hips were screaming and my pride was hurt. I have an injury that most likely will never get all the way better. I took all the frustrations and emotions from the past 2 days and pushed them all into this. Then I let loose on my poor confused husband. When he tried to talk to me I told him that we weren't having a conversation in front of the bajillion people around us. Instead of getting angry, he asked me what I wanted to do. When I couldn't give him an answer he told me that he didn't feel like walking after all and led me back to the car. When we got to the car I finally explained how badly my body was hurting and how hard it was for me to admit that I couldn't do the things I used to do. He let me cry it all out. I told him how sorry I was that I had ruined our day. He said that I hadn't ruined the day at all and that we could still enjoy the park in so many ways. What should we do first?
    I sat there in that car and thought about a few things. 1. How selfish I was being. 2. How wonderful my husband is. 3. How this conversation might have gone 5 years ago. Let me tell you something I've learned about marriage. You make your own happiness. Even though the day before had been crazy, I still had a great time just being with Bobby, because I had decided to. Had I been totally honest with Bobby on that morning I wouldn't have put myself in a situation where it was harder for me to keep my control. I saw what I had done wrong, admitted it and asked for forgiveness, and then MOVED ON! We had a wonderful rest of the day. We enjoyed each other's company and had a great dinner. Bobby was so understanding and just so happy the whole weekend. He went through a lot of the same things I did and didn't get upset. I didn't need to either. We decide to be cranky, or we decide to be happy. We are at a point in our marriage that we decide to be happy together no matter what we come up against, even if it's each other! I'm so thankful that we have learned these lessons together and I look forward to another year of happiness.